Selling Truths
by chemical-imbalance
Summary: What they say is true; a single solitary moment can change your life. Tragedy has a way of bringing you home and allegiances have a way of forming your destiny. Sam didn't think her sister's death would cause her to re-write her own future. One moment, one exhale, one smile and she was forever an outlaw. Slight AU with OC
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **

Thank you for taking the time to read this, an idea swimming in my head that refuses to leave. I hope you enjoy and if you do, please let me know. I'd love to continue but support always makes it easier.

Much love – Chemical Imbalance

**Chapter 1: Crushing Weight**

The call came at 12:42am.

"Donna's dead." The cold voice on the other end mumbled into the phone. Blinking again, I felt my heart stop and stutter as I struggled for air.

"What?" I whispered; a breathy exhale of my numb lungs.

"She was gunned down at a red light." The voice stated as though we were discussing the weather. I felt the burn of tears at my eyes and I felt my chest tighten even more. I couldn't fathom what was just said. I had to still be dreaming, this couldn't be reality. No one would kill my sister; no one would have a reason to. "You need to get to Charming." The voice stated once again. It was enough to snap me out of my inner monologue.

"Are you going too?" I asked; knowing the answer before the question even left my mouth. Of course, they wouldn't. They stopped caring a long time ago.

"No." I felt the rage build in me.

"What about the kids?"

"We'll send a card." I hung up quickly, afraid of what I would say. My sister's dead and our parents still wouldn't forgive her or me for that matter. My breathing became ragged as I quickly ripped the blankets off my bed and grabbed a duffel out of the hall closet. I threw whatever I could find into it. I had no idea how long I would be gone for but I knew that it didn't matter; Donna was dead, my sister, the other half of me. Breathing deep to stop the burn of the tears, I swallowed thickly trying to dislodge the lump that threatened to choke me. I faintly heard my phone buzz from the bed. Grabbing it; it was a text from my brother.

'If you need anything, just call.' My eyes closed in anger and my jaw set. He didn't seem to care anymore either. Swallowing the anger I grabbed my stuff and locked the door to my apartment. Gripping the heavy duffel, I shoved it into the back of the Jeep. The sky was dark but the city still awake and alive. I pulled my leather jacket on and started the Jeep. Pulling out of the parking lot, I watched San Diego disappear as I drove north into the desert. Every mile was hard; breathing was the only thing keeping me alive. My heart thumped but the beat was not my friend. My cell rang in the seat next to me. Gripping it tight in my hand, I answered.

"Hey."

"Sam…" The deep voice broke.

"I know. I'm on my way." The silence on the other end was broken by a loud exhale. I could feel him breaking and I knew that if I let it; it would break me in half. "I'm on my way Ope." I stated again; keeping the pain from lacing my voice was difficult.

"I'm not sure what to do." He stated and I felt another lump form in my throat; this one harder to move. I shook my head and bit my lip.

"I'm coming." Was all I could get out, I couldn't break. I could feel him nod through the phone and his heavy exhale was his reply.

"We're at the house." He stated before hanging up and I had to fight to control my breathing. I stepped harder on the gas and felt the vehicle respond. Charming was still hours away and I had time to control this; I wasn't going to break, I couldn't because if I did, I knew it wouldn't stop. Cranking the volume on the radio, I pushed all current thoughts out and focused on getting to my destination. Hours later, the sun still hadn't risen but the sky was becoming lighter. I was exhausted but I knew that there would be no time to rest. Watching as the sign for Charming comes into view; I steeled my nerves and took a deep breath. Pulling down their street was hard, parking across from the house was hard, pulling my body out of the Jeep was hard, and seeing Opie smoking on the steps of the house was the hardest. The lazy smoke curled around his large build as he watched me walk up. Rising to his feet looked difficult for him, we didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around my much smaller frame. I in turn gripped him tighter, holding the large man to me, trying to take some of his pain. I'm not sure how long we stood there but we only released when the front door opened and Ellie poked her head out. Looking over, I knew she had been crying. Her pale face was red and streaked. Letting go of Opie, I gripped the little girl in my arms and held her as more tears sprang into her eyes. Looking back at Opie, I saw him sitting once again, lighting another cigarette. I walked into the house with Ellie still wrapped around me. I led her to the kitchen, trying not to take the house in, trying to not let her ghost break me down. I sat Ellie down at the table and went to fridge. I opened it and took stock of what was there.

"Auntie Sam?" Ellie's small voice asked.

I turned back to her, closing the refrigerator door after I grabbed the milk. Pancakes seemed to be the only thing I could do right now. I needed to task myself with making breakfast for the kids only so that the depression didn't set in and I wouldn't spiral out.

"Yeah baby?" I looked at her now. There was so much of Donna in her; I had hard time breathing for a second.

"What do I do?" She asked, the tears welling up again. I stalked over to her quickly and grabbed her into my arms. Her face pressed into my neck and I felt the hot tears soak in. Biting my lip hard, the pain stopping me from breaking apart myself, I held her as she sobbed. I sat back on the floor as she crawled into my lap and all I could do was let her cry and grip me as tightly as she needed. Opie entered the house then and saw me sitting there. His face was drawn tight as he walked over to me. Grabbing his young daughter, he pulled her up and into his arms. Lending me a hand, I pulled myself up and held his much larger hand in my own for a minute before squeezing it and smoothing Ellie's dark blonde hair down. I turned and went back to breakfast.

**Opie POV:**

When I saw her pull up, I felt like I could breathe again even if it was for only a second. Sam had a way of doing that, making it seem easier. I watched her drop out of the monstrous Jeep she never seemed to get rid of. I noticed her hair had grown out, the same color as Donna's but curlier, she had it pulled up. She looked so much like Donna, the only major difference was her eyes; a warm gray compared to Donna's warm brown. Walking up to me she gripped me to her, squeezing me much tighter than I thought possible. I still dwarfed her but I couldn't manage to hold her as tight as she held me. When Ellie poked her head out of the door, Sam let me go and grabbed Ellie to her. I felt dead inside but knowing that Sam was here brought the tiniest bit of relief. I trusted no one more when it comes to my kids. I sat back down and lit another cig. The nicotine flooding my system was the only comfort I had at this time and it seemed to war with my own guilt and grief. Hearing Ellie sob from inside the house, I stood and threw the cigarette down. Steeling myself for what I would find, I entered and saw my daughter wrapped around my sister-in-law. Meeting her eyes, I saw her trying to hold it together. I walked up and took Ellie from her and helped her stand. She turned and went back to the cupboards, grabbing items for pancakes. I couldn't help but feel better. Donna always said that having Sam around made it easier to breathe; I now understood what she meant.

**Sam POV:**

Opie had disappeared a little over 30 minutes ago and I knew he was trying to give me space. I think we all need space. I moved methodically around the kitchen, trying not to look past the general items occupying the space. I didn't want to see her coffee mug still sitting on the counter, the '#1 Mom' mocked me every time I focused in on it. Turning back to the stove, I flipped the pancakes and waited for them to brown. Looking to my right, I caught the time on the clock; 7:36am. I sighed and took the pancakes off the pan and added them to the ever growing pile. I jumped when a voice ripped open the silence.

"How many of those are you going to make?" I looked to the right of me and saw Opie's father standing by the front door. I looked down and saw that I had indeed made a huge amount. Blushing slightly, I shook my head and sent him a small smile. "Nah, don't worry sweetheart, I can imagine that you're not in the right head space." I smiled again and turned the stove off. Hearing him shuffle towards me, I turned and folded into his arms. Piney and I were always on good terms, a better father than my own, I smiled as I breathed him in. Smoke and gasoline. Kissing the top of my head, he stepped back and looked me in the eye. "I'm sorry sweetheart." My face crumbling, tears slipped down my face as I buried myself into his chest once more. Holding me and rubbing my back slowly, I desperately tried to contain myself once more as I heard noise from down the hall. The kids were coming and I wasn't going to upset them further. Taking a deep breath, I stepped back and quickly wiped my face as Kenny and Ellie came into view. Piney gripped my shoulder, squeezed and then released as he turned to his own son.

"Auntie Sammy! You're here!" Kenny yelled as he ran to me. Scooping him up, I hugged him to me and felt him return it. Pulling back, he kissed my cheek. "AND you made pancakes!" He smiled at me. It was then that I knew he didn't get it. He didn't realize that his mother was dead and never coming back. I nodded and blew a raspberry on his cheek as he giggled and fought to get down.

"Go wash up and then come eat." I told him and Ellie as I let him down. Kenny turned and ran down the hall and I could hear him turn the water on in the bathroom singing "Pancakes!" to himself. I smiled sadly as Ellie turned and followed. I looked up and made eye contact with Piney once again as he turned and faced his son.

"Little bird here made enough pancakes for an army." Piney stated trying to lighten the mood. Opie only nodded and then sent me a small smile of thanks as his kids came back down the hall. I got back to work, getting the breakfast ready for the kids as Opie and Piney slipped out the front door. I smiled as Kenny giggled into his pancakes and I listened as he told me all about what he was doing. Ellie was quiet at first but then opened up a bit and I pulled a face at her and she smiled slightly. I'm not sure how long we sat there but I knew the pancakes had long gone cold and my exhaustion was quickly catching up with me. I looked to the clock and saw that it was almost ten in the morning. I needed to get moving otherwise the grief would consume me. Getting up, I cleaned up breakfast as the kids ran off to play outside. The sun was bright and I could feel the California heat through the open window in the kitchen. I cleaned the rest of the kitchen, her mug being the first to be put away; out of sight, so I didn't cry again. Hearing roars of motorcycles coming down the street, I locked my bleeding heart away and took a deep breath. Looking out the living room window, I saw four additional riders park their bikes and head towards Opie and Piney. Hugs were given in greeting and small talk exchanged before Kenny ripped around the front of the house and jumped on one of the bikers. The kuttes on their backs weren't foreign to me and I remembered all of their names easily despite my long absence. Ellie walked around the side of the house and hugged one of bikers; Chibbs, if I was right.

I wasn't sure when it happened but I remember watching Ellie's shoulders start to shake and before I knew it, I exited the front door and felt the bright sun bite my skin. It felt like I was moving in slow motion; I saw Piney turn towards me and then it seemed that one by one, each of the men turned to me as I advanced on Ellie. Kneeling down and gripping the girl to me, I watched as her face fell and the tears stream down her face. Standing with her in my arms despite the strain of her weight, I lifted her effortlessly. My eyes rising to meet Jax Teller's, I felt my heart splutter and seem to stop. It had a funny way of doing that around him. Biting my lip, I turned on my heel and brought the still sobbing girl into the house, feeling his eyes burn holes into my back. I couldn't handle that right now. My focus completely on holding my breaking family together and not on my own past. Ellie quieted quickly after I got her into the house and sat on the stiff couch, I think she was exhausting herself to the point of no more tears. Feeling her warm breath slow against my neck, I knew she fell asleep. Closing my eyes and leaning my own head back against the back of the couch, I fell into my own exhaustion.

When I awoke, Ellie was no longer in my arms and a blanket had been thrown over me. The clock told me I had only been out for an hour. I felt my own grief smash against the box I locked it into when my eyes connected to a photo on the wall of Donna and I on my 21st birthday. Standing and walking up to it, I notice how young we both are but then the SAMCRO sign behind us draws my attention; I exhale slowly as I remember in vivid detail what had happened that night. I swallow thickly as my eyes snap back to Donna's and my chin trembles as I feel a wave of emotion slide over me. Throwing my gaze away, I see someone standing behind me. I knew it was him from the moment I felt his gaze land on me.

"Haven't seen you in a while." I turn to take him in. Jax Teller would always be handsome to me, would always have a hold over me that I couldn't quite shake off. He stood there, leg's slightly apart, hands in his pockets, head tilted and the same kutte on his back.

"I've been busy." I exhaled my reply.

"I really wish it wasn't under these circumstances." He states before stepping forward. I realized quickly then what this was. He was testing me, pushing the boundaries we both placed between us. Tearing my eyes from his, I nodded in understanding. Stepping towards him with the full intent of giving him a wide berth, he surprised me by stepping into my path. Stopping short, I had to look up at him. His head tilted to the side and I felt as though I were under a microscope. I took that second to look at him too. His hair was still long and blonde, the slight growth on his face and jaw making him look older. I saw weariness in his stance and in his eyes. I knew it for what it was, the life he leads is a heavy one. Lost in my own thoughts, I slightly jumped when his fingers slid across my jaw before his thumb slid over my chin. Suddenly I felt as though I couldn't breathe the room compressing until all I could do was jump back and slide out of his way. Before I could make my escape, Opie came in through the front door and his eyes locked onto mine.

"I hate to ask you to do this but I just can't." His voice cut sharply as grief tore into him. "Can you make arrangements; I just don't know how to do this, any of this." Weariness slid into his eyes and his shoulders slumped in admission. Shaking his head he locked eyes with me again.

Not trusting my own voice all I could do was nod my head yes. This was excruciating, I felt like I couldn't breathe again but seeing lightness take over my brother's face, I couldn't stop myself. He smiled at me before grabbing me to him again and as I sunk into him once again, numbness took over. Releasing me, I stepped around him and grabbed my purse and keys before leaving the house without another word. The only way I was going to do this is if I cut myself off; lock my sister in a tight box in the back of my mind and not open it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Take a Deep Breath**

Every decision since she arrived sucked. Luckily she kept her head down and didn't have any more run-ins with any other Sons besides Opie. She took care of getting Ellie and Kenny up in the mornings, fed, cleaned and ready for their day. Opie's mother Mary had arrived and helped her out by entertaining the kids during the day since she needed to be dealing with the funeral arrangements. Opie wasn't around much but when he was, he was silent, only giving her a hug and then spending time with his children. She should consider herself lucky but she was having a hard time finding joy in anything anymore. Donna was her one true north and without her sister she felt as though she were adrift in an endless ocean; drifting further into the darkness that threatened to swallow her whole every time she forgot where she was. Donna was always better at handling the tough shit. When their parents disapproved of Opie in the beginning, Donna did what she had to, married the man and created a new life for herself. When Sam took off and left Charming, Donna never called her a coward or made her feel guilty for her decision.

Pulling her Jeep into the Teller-Morrow parking lot, she quickly put her walls back up before stepping out onto the hot pavement. She saw Opie's bike was gone but figured she needed to find him one way or another and someone here might know where he was at. Shielding her eyes from the bright California sun, she spotted Gemma Teller-Morrow coming towards her and before she had a chance to really look at her, she was pulled into a tight hug.

"Oh sweetheart, it's good to see you." Gemma stated into her ear as she rocked them back and forth slightly. Sam returned the hug; she and Gemma had a tenuous relationship but she respected and loved the woman regardless. Gemma let her go then. "You're way to skinny. You been eating?" Sam rolled her eyes but smiled warmly at her.

"Yeah Gemma, I'm good."

"Well you need to be taking care of yourself. You've been shouldering a lot lately with Ope and the kids; I've been worried." Sam smiled the first true smile since she had been here.

"Thanks Gemma, I appreciate the thought." Gemma turned and walked towards the club house, Sam following and catching up to the woman's confident stride.

"Well what are you doing here? You need something?"

"Yeah, I've been trying to get ahold of Ope, thought he'd be here. You know where he's at?" Sam asked as she looked around outside the clubhouse. Walking towards the door she couldn't help the déjà vu from flashing before her eyes. Shaking her head quickly, she pulled herself back to the present. Gemma shook her head sadly.

"No baby girl I haven't; he's probably on club business. Do you need help with something?" Gemma asked concerned, a hand flying up to her hip as she opened the clubhouse door for her and Sam.

"Yeah, with Donna's funeral tomorrow, I'm having trouble getting the last minute details in place." She choked a little bit at her sister's name. Entering into the clubhouse, Sam knew much hadn't changed. She had moved to San Diego 10 years ago but had visited Charming frequently to see her family. The clubhouse was not a stop that she made often; only stopping in when Donna and Opie asked her to or to see Gemma before she left town. Regardless, the clubhouse felt the same to her, even the smell was familiar. Growing up she had spent time here with Opie and Donna when they had first started dating and then even more time as she had grown closer to the other members. Continuing to follow Gemma to the bar area, Gemma poured her a beer and set it down in front of her.

"Anything I can help you with?" Sam vigorously shook her head no.

"No, I don't want to put you out, I can handle it." Gemma pursed her lips and leant on the bar, coming closer to Sam.

"I wouldn't have offered if I minded. You're family honey; doesn't matter how long you've been gone or how far you ran." Sam was often reminded how much Gemma was loyal to her family and she always felt honored to be considered just that. "You get that?" Gemma asked shaking her head slightly before tucking a piece of Sam's hair behind her ear. Smiling slightly, Sam nodded and then took a sip of her beer.

"I do need some help getting some of her stuff packed up. I asked Opie about it and he told me what to keep and I managed to get those things together for him but the other stuff is; harder." Sam expelled in one breath, quickly following it with a heavy drink.

"Shit honey, of course. I can't imagine its easy having all of her things still in there."

Nodding her head vigorously, Sam licked her lips. "I didn't want to get rid of it all, Kenny and Ellie don't need to see her wiped out of their home but some of her stuff needs to be packed up. It's just really hard."

"You haven't cried yet have you?" Gemma asked, standing straight again and cocking her head. Sam shifted her eyes away and bit her lip. Shaking her head no, Sam heard Gemma sigh. "You can't keep it bottled baby; that shit will eat you alive."

"I can't; I'm afraid if I start, it won't stop and then the rest will set in. I need to take care of those kids; they come first." Sam stated taking another drink.

"If you don't deal; the anger and hate will set in anyways; just fast and more brutal." Gemma exhaled. Walking around to the outside of the bar, she took Sam's face into her warm hands. Forcing Sam to meet her gaze head on, Gemma spoke with conviction. "One way or another all that shit's going to come out and it can destroy you; rip you apart from the inside and tear a giant hole in that carefully constructed fortress of yours."

"I just need to get through tomorrow." Sam stated soundly. She pushed the roaring tide of pain back; confident in her composure for the time being. Gemma nodded and smoothed Sam's hair back again, tucking a curl around her ear.

"Alright sweetheart; I'll help you box up what needs to go and I'll have some of the boys put it in storage for you."

Nodding slowly, Sam wrapped her arms around the other woman. "Thanks Gemma." She mumbled into Gemma's shoulder as some of the weight lifted off her shoulders.

"Don't worry about it. Now, let's get over to the house and I'll help you get this done." Nodding and standing up from her stool, Sam walked towards the door to the lot and as she walked down the narrow hallway, the big heavy door opened and almost smacked her in the face. Jumping back, she lost her footing slightly but was righted quickly by a heavy calloused hand.

"Woah, watch it lassie; don't want you gettin hurt now." Sam nodded and smiled at Chibbs; her savior.

"Thanks Chibbs; I should pay better attention next time."

"Ahh don't worry about it darlin, I'm a knight in shining armor." Chibbs laughed as he moved his hand up to her shoulder and bringing her in for a swift hug. Returning the affection, Sam smiled. Chibbs was always one of the members that she was close to. If she had to classify him as something; a father figure was the best she could come up with, maybe more so than Piney had ever been, which said something. Releasing her quickly and leading her away from the door that had just suddenly open once again. Sam saw Tig and Clay enter. Tig quickly grabbed her into a hug as well, Clay nodded to her in respect and went to his wife who was retrieving her purse and keys from the bar.

"How you doin honey?" Tig asked as he let her go. Sam smiled and quirked an eyebrow.

"Much better now that you're here." Tig guffawed loudly before pulling her under his arm and slinging his arm across her shoulder.

"I knew I always liked you. We've been missing your sarcasm around here." Tig laughed as he brought her closer and kissed her on the head.

"Well I'm here now." Sam stated and heard the room go quiet.

"You're staying?" Gemma asked; interest peaking in her voice.

"Yeah, I think I am. I haven't really talked to Opie about it yet but I kinda think staying close is a good idea. Although, I'm not sure what he thinks and I don't want to crowd him or anything." Sam finished quietly. Gemma stepped forward and pulled her into another hug. Clearly she was getting enough hugs to fill a lifetime in only a week.

"Oh honey, Ope loves you. I think he'd be happy for you to stay. You're family remember?"

"We'll even help you get set up. Won't we boys?" Clay stated jovially before clapping his own hand on her shoulder as Gemma stepped back; a smile stretching across her face. Chibbs and Tig both agreed loudly.

"Thank you but I still want to talk with Opie first." Sam stated as another genuine smile slid across her face. She knew that staying would drag up a lot of things for her; Donna, her parents, the club, Jax; but she couldn't help but feel like she could breathe easier. "By the way; you know where he is?" Sam asked Clay.

"He should be back soon. Jax, Juice and he were on some club business." Clay stated simply; deliberately keeping details quiet. Sam nodded slightly; she knew the basics of what the club did but was never privy to more.

"Can you just have him call me or stop by when he gets a chance? I just need to run something by him quickly."

"No problem; we'll let him know." Clay stated and then smiled.

"I'm going with her; gonna help her clear some of Donna's stuff out. When the boys get a chance, send some over to help move some boxes." Gemma stated before giving him a kiss on the cheek and a tight quick hug.

"Will do baby." Clay smiled down at his wife. Sam turned and started to walk out of the clubhouse; Gemma on her heels. Climbing into Gemma's car; they set off towards the house. The car ride was quiet yet comfortable and gave Sam some of the breathing room she had needed. She was finding it difficult at times to control her emotions. Maybe Gemma was right about keeping them locked up but Sam knew what would happen if she let them go. She didn't think she would make it. The car ride was quick and before she knew it, they were parking in the driveway. Swiftly moving into the house, Sam watched as Gemma surveyed the room quickly before setting her sunglasses, purse and keys down and grabbing some of the empty boxes by the door.

"What's first?" Gemma asked as Sam took some of the boxes too.

"Her clothes and bathroom items need to be packed up." Sam stated sadly knowing the number of times she had wandered into their bedroom and stared heavily at the clothes her sister had worn. The bedroom still smelled of her and those thoughts drove her out of the room, reaching for the pack of cigarettes she had sworn she wouldn't really need when she had bought them.

Sensing Sam's discomfort, Gemma nodded and gripped her chin. "Don't you worry darlin; this will go quick. If you need a minute, you take it." Connecting their eyes once more, Sam quickly nodded and then pulled away and started heading for the dreaded room.

It had taken a few attempts but Sam managed to pull herself together enough to get everything boxed up. Gemma worked quickly and efficiently with little emotion crossing her face. Sam watched her, wanting to know the secrets to boxing it up and pushing it away. Gemma was never an open book unless she wanted to be. Sam only hoped that by spending more time with the matriarch, she would learn a few things herself. Only when the last box was packed up and stacked with the others; did Sam realize what she had just done. By packing and emptying her sister's dresser and closet; it had become more real to her than anything else. Feeling her chest tighten, Sam took a step back and tried to slow the building panic. Gemma looked up at her then sensing her sudden stillness and noticed the blood pale from Sam's face. About to say something to ease what she knew was happening, Gemma jumped when the roar of bikes coming down the street broke the silence. Watching as Sam rushed from the room and hearing the patio door slam shut a second later, Gemma stood, brushed her hands on her jeans and made her way towards the front door as Opie, Jax and Juice entered.

"Hey babies." Gemma greeted giving a quick kiss on the cheek to each of them.

"Clay said that Sam was looking for me?" Opie asked; his voice hard and his face impassive. Gemma nodded and then indicated with a shift of her head where Sam was. Opie made his way towards the patio door and slipped out; closing it behind himself. Watching Jax's eyes follow his best friend, Gemma knew what he wanted to do but decided to interrupt his train of thought.

"Can you boy's help get the boxes in the bedroom over to the storage locker? They're some of Donna's things that Sam and I just cleaned out." Only when Sam's name slid from her lips did Jax look at his mother.

"Sure thing." Juice stated as he walked to the bedroom. A silent moment passed between mother and son before the patio door opened once again and Opie climbed through. Gemma noted he looked a little bit better.

"Everything okay brother?" Jax asked roughly noticing his friend's demeanor.

"Yeah; Sam just wanted to ask if I was cool with her sticking around." Opie replied nodding his head before shoving his hands into his kutte.

"She's stayin?" Jax asked his voice perking.

"Yeah, told me she wants to come back home and had been thinking about it for a while and figured now was a good time. I agreed; told her she could stay here until she wanted to find another place. I think the kids having her around would be good thing." Opie nodded before making his way into the bedroom and helped Juice move the boxes.

"You gonna start breathing again sometime soon?" Gemma asked; humor lacing her words and making Jax turn to her.

"What?"

"Oh baby; you never fooled me. I could see your heart skip beats when that girl walked past." Gemma laughed before raising her eyebrow.

"That wasn't what it was ma. Besides I've got my son now; I don't need you complicating more stuff in my life." Gemma nodded disbelievingly before watching her son walk down the hallway and pick up a box and take it out to the truck. Moving towards the patio door, Gemma peeked out and saw Sam sitting on the kid's swing, puffing on a cigarette with her head tilted back towards the sky. Opening the door and sticking her head out quickly, she addressed Sam.

"Honey, I gotta get back to the garage but you, Ope and the kids come over to the house tonight for dinner if you can." Sam nodded softly but didn't say anything. Closing the patio door, she strode towards the front of the house where the last of the boxes were being loaded up. "Thank you boys but I have to get back to the garage." Gemma said as she kissed her son once more and patted Opie lightly on his arm before she climbed into her car and drove off.

"Ope if you want, Juice and I can take this stuff over." Jax stated trying to take some of the weight off his friend.

"Nah, I'll take it over by myself. I just need some quiet right now." Opie stated climbing into the truck and nodding his head in thanks to them.

"Alright brother; let us know if you need anything else." Juice states quietly as Opie started the truck and pulled out of the driveway. Once he was gone out of sight, Jax looked back at the house and nodded at Juice.

"Why don't you head back to the clubhouse and look into that report about the stolen SUV. I want to find the assholes that did this."

"Alright brother." Juice nodded before climbing on his bike and driving off. Jax turned and strode around the side of the house. Coming around to the back, he watched as Sam; sitting on the swing, dropped her spent cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out with her shoe. She wasn't aware of him just yet so he took a quick moment to look her over. She was just as beautiful as he remembered; her hair dark and curly, her build was thinner than when she was younger but she looked stronger. Skin tan and smooth he felt the need to touch her grow stronger and he briefly wondered if she still smelt the same. Her clothing was reminiscent of what she always wore when growing up. The dark jeans, boots and white t-shirt were simple but she had never been a fan of wearing a lot of color or designs. That was one of the things he liked about her; she didn't need to impress, she was impressive already.

"You gonna stand there all day?" Her smooth voice asked, her eyes titling towards where he stood. Smiling he strode over to her, watching as she softly pushed herself back n forth slightly with her feet.

"Just making sure you're alright darlin." He said as he came to stop in front of her causing her to tilt her head back to see his face.

"Just peachy." She replied simply before dropping her eyes and snatching the pack of cigarettes out of her pocket again. He watched as her slender and small hands pulled one out and brought it to her delicate lips. Pulling his own lighter out, he lit the cigarette for her, shielding the slight breeze with his other hand. She had placed her hand on his cupped one when she bent in. He definitely felt his heart sputter when she looked back up to him with her now lit smoke and smiled softly. "Thanks." She breathed out. Breathing had also suddenly become difficult again and he silently cursed his mother.

"You wanna go for a ride?" Jax asked suddenly and felt his own half smile slide onto his face when she nodded.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Bury the Dead

Jax leant her his hand as she pushed herself up from the swing. Grasping her smaller hand in his, he felt that same rush of heat that happened seconds before. Turning on his heel, he released her hand and shoved both of his hands into the deep pockets of his sagging jeans; shoulders slouching as he looked sideways at her. Her delicate fingers held onto her cigarette as she took a drag and he became mesmerized by the way the inhaled smoke left her mouth; it seemed to curl around her nose and cheeks before dispersing. Jax shook his head to look ahead remembering that he had Abel now, Wendy was home from rehab and his relationship with Tara was confusing enough already.

Coming around the front of the house, Sam ran up to the front door to lock it and then returned to him. He held out his helmet for her and then got on the bike. Standing it up, he felt her small hand grasp his leather clad shoulder and then her weight resting against his back. He waited till she pressed in closer; her thighs resting against his ass and back. Swallowing hard, he nodded to her and felt her hands slither around his waist and grasp tight. Pulling the kickstand up, Jax started the Dyna and felt the rumble of the engine beneath him. Turning his head slightly, he saw her nod and then he tore off down the street. Driving with her on the back of his bike was something new for him. She had always caught a ride from someone else since Tara was always with him but he had always thought about her being on his bike. She felt fluid against him in the turns and held her posture loose but straight when he would increase speed; a perfect passenger. He pushed the bike faster and heard the engine respond with a loud growl as they left Charming. He wasn't sure where he was going and he didn't think she cared either. Feeling the wind on his face always made his problems disappear; he became part of the road then and he would only focus in on the now. He felt her chest press harder against his back, making him squirm at the heat she gave off. Watching the scenery change to desert hills and shrubs, he felt himself become more aware of her. Cresting over a hill that he knew would lead to a straight road for a few miles; he opened up the engine further, the speed increasing even more into illegal territory. He felt her hands adjust and then suddenly it loosened; fearing that she was losing her grasp, he glanced back and saw something he thought he'd never see. Sam's head was tilted back, eyes closed and arms outstretched above her. The sun made her seem at peace and a small smile crept onto her face as she just let go of everything.

Turning back to face the road, Jax's own smile slid onto his face and he gunned it even harder. Coming to the next curve he slowed and felt her hands wind themselves back around his middle. She pressed closer and then rested her head on his back. Jax felt his smile grow as he thought about his life and where he currently was at. Abel being home and finally safe made him feel better but the issues with Wendy and Tara still weighed heavily. Wendy was a person; a void to fill his time after Tara ditched him for college and Sam moved away. He knew that it never worked between them and he felt it in his bones that he had made a mistake with her; one he felt he never wanted to repeat. Tara was different; they were inseparable, the "always have to be together or I'll kill myself" kind of love and it completely ripped him apart after she left. Now having her back was a blessing of sorts; his past giving him another shot but the nagging voice in the back of his mind reminded him of the bad things, the reason that they never worked before and the idea that it wouldn't work now. She was currently jerking him around; the mixed signals giving him a headache whenever he thought about it. Tara and Wendy were fighting over him and he didn't really want to deal with it. Donna dying brought back Sam, the girl that was never his. Sure he had thought about it back then, she was beautiful and so very different from Tara and any other girl he ever met. She was the reason he stopped moping after Tara left; she saved his life without really even trying. He never realized it back then but it was blatantly obvious now; whenever she would come around, he felt himself come out of the self-imposed solitude he had placed himself in. It was easier to breathe around her and the pain he felt lessened over time. When she left, he felt that scar rip open once again and he had desperately wanted to hate her for leaving. The only reason why he didn't was because she was never his, she had every right to leave; they were never together and he seriously doubted she knew about his feelings for her. He wasn't even sure he was truly aware of them back then but hindsight is always 20/20.

"Jax?" He heard her whisper into his ear. He slowed down to hear her better. Her hot breath against his neck was causing some inappropriate reactions from his body for their current situation.

"Yeah darlin?" He asked, turning his head slightly to catch her out of the corner of his eye quickly.

"Can you take me somewhere where I don't have to think about it?" She asked and he instinctively knew what she needed. Nodding quickly he gunned it back to town with a destination in mind. He wasn't sure why he picked it but it popped into his mind so quickly he didn't think of anything else. Pulling into his driveway, he felt her shift behind him and take off the helmet. Turning to her he saw her adjusting her hair; it was windblown but still beautiful to him. Smiling he got off the bike and led her up to the house.

"Where are we?" She asked; her voice quiet and full of confusion.

"This is my house. I want you to meet someone." He stated before hopping up the front steps and opening the door for her. She entered before him and he saw her take in her surroundings.

"Seems kinda empty." She laughed while turning to look at him.

"Yeah well; I'm not here often enough yet. You just wait till I move in completely." He smirked at her as he slid past her and went down the hallway. Knowing that she was following, he entered a room on his right and nodded to his mother who was sitting in the corner. "Hey Ma; I brought someone over to say hi."

"Hey baby." Gemma smiled warmly at her son as he gestured to Sam behind him. "He's been fed and changed." She directed at her son as she gently lifted her grandchild into his Daddy's open arms. Gemma took a step back and smiled warmly at Sam as she stepped up with amazement in her face.

"Oh my lord; he is beautiful!" Sam stated with happiness as she came closer to father and son and looked at the baby boy's features. "What's his name?" She asked looking up at Jax.

"This is Abel; my son. I thought it was time you meet him." Jax whispered to her; she was so close he got hit by her smell. Vanilla, lavender and oak invaded his senses and he had to quickly turn back to his son before his mother caught him. Sam's hand had come up to touch Abel's small hand and as his son grasped onto her finger, he heard her sharp inhale and smiled even more. He hoped that this was making her happy. Abel always managed to make him happy when he was upset. Looking up he caught the knowing look in his mother's eyes and had to roll his own eyes at her.

"He's breathtaking!" Sam gushed once more before talking directly to his son in a soft voice. "Well you little man are quite handsome; all the girls will be after you some day."

"You want to hold him?" Jax asked as looked at her face once more.

"Can I?" Sam asked looking up to meet his eyes. He nodded slightly before handing the baby off to her. He watched her take him up with expert grace. She rocked him slightly as Abel cooed up at her before he reached up and grasped a piece of her hair. Sam only laughed as Abel pulled on it. Jax stepped over to his mother who continued to watch as the woman who was broken and torn apart by death was brought back to life because of a baby. The silent, comfortable moment was broken when Jax's cell went off and he excused himself from the room. Sam watched him leave and then turned back to Gemma and the small child in her arms.

"He just takes it all away." Sam whispered to Gemma as she stared at Abel in awe.

"Babies have a way of doing that."

"Did Donna meet him?" Sam asked, her voice breaking once again.

"She held him that night." Gemma replied just as softly as she walked up to the other woman and wrapped an arm around her shoulders; looking down at her grandson.

"Good. I wanted her to have something." Sam broke and a tear worked its way down her cheek. Looking up at Gemma, Sam smiled sadly and then titled her head to meet Gemma's.

"She did baby. She had a good moment." Sam nodded quickly as another tear worked its way down her cheek.

"Donna used to tell me that there was nothing better than a baby. I remember her just holding Ellie and Kenny; watching them, like they were the only thing in the world. I guess I finally figured out why she did that." Sam whispered looking down at Abel.

"Yeah well it's different when it's your own." Gemma stated as she drew a finger softly down Abel's face.

"He's not mine Gemma." Sam laughed slightly as she looked up at the older woman.

"He should be." Gemma said as she looked up and connected her eyes with Sam smirking slightly when the younger woman blushed.

Sam was about to respond when Jax suddenly returned to the room.

"How's my boy?" Walking over to Sam, he leaned in close to look over her shoulder at his whole world. Looking up at the back of her head, he found himself liking her holding him. There was just something soothing about watching her interact with his son. She was a natural and he found himself feeling differently about her; she would be a good mom.

"He's great." Sam mumbled to him, looking backwards at him and sending him a small smile.

"I have to get you back to the clubhouse to get your car. I have some things I need to take care of." Jax stated as he kissed his mother good bye. Sam reluctantly handed off Abel to Gemma and then nodded as Jax's hand on her back steered her out of the house. Stepping outside; Sam turned to Jax quickly and walked up to him, standing on her tiptoes to reach him, she grasped him tight, her face pressed into his shoulder.

"Thank you, I needed that." She whispered into his ear. He wound his arms around her and pulled her tighter into himself.

"Anytime darlin; just ask." He replied. He felt her nod and then loosen her grasp. Stepping back he was hit with a genuine smile from her; her white straight teeth gleamed at him. Taking the helmet, she threw it on and waited for him to situate himself before climbing on and holding onto him once more.

Arriving back at Teller-Morrow, Jax let her get off the bike once he pulled up to her car. Jumping off and handing him his helmet back; Sam leaned in and kissed his cheek before sending him another small smile. Watching her walk to her car, he inwardly groaned when his eyes landed on Tara's car. The pressure behind his eyes began to increase and the oncoming headache was enough to make him shake his head and park the bike with his decent mood ruined. He knew that they needed to talk, to work out whatever was in fact going on with them. Looking up, he saw her come out of the office; and cutting across the hot pavement to him. He got up off the bike and greeted her with a soft kiss to her cheek. He was struck then by how much he truly did love her. First love was always the hardest to forget but they seemed to be on two paths that never crossed.

"Can we talk?" She asked as she gestured to the office. Nodding, he followed her into the office and closed the door when she entered and turned to him.

"So what's up?" Jax asked as he fished a cigarette out of his pockets and lit it.

"I think we need to talk about where this is headed." She gestured to both of them with her hands. He could sense the desperation in her voice and watched her fidget slightly under his scrutiny.

"I thought we established that the night Donna died." He stated taking a long drag from the lit cigarette.

"I never should have reacted the way I did; I just don't know what to think about us. Where are we going Jax?" Tara pleaded with him, moving closer. He exhaled the smoke in his lungs before licking his lips and answering.

"I'm not sure. I do love you Tara but I'm not sure if I'm what's best."

"Best for what; me? Jax I came back because I wanted to be here, this is where I belong." Tara desperately replied as she came to rest in front of him; Jax's head was tilted down and he brought his eyes to meet hers.

"Tara you left."

"I know Jax but I'm back now. Maybe this is what we need; to give us another shot."

"I'm not any different Tara; the same guy with the same kutte."

"No you're not." She shook her head hard trying to get him to understand. "You have a son now; you're not the same. You are open and caring; I've seen it!"

"I'm SAMCRO Tara; that's never gonna change. You hated this club since we were kids, what makes you think it'll be different this time around?"

"We're older Jax, I won't come between the club and you. You have to know that." She pleaded, stroking the leather of his kutte.

"I don't think this is gonna work any better. We gave it a shot and what we've been doing recently has been good but I can't forget about the bad blood between us." Jax shook his head and took a step back; taking another puff off his almost spent cig.

"I'm sorry I left Jax. I don't want to run anymore." Jax shook his head and felt the anger and frustration burn.

"I hated you after you left; you know that? I drowned myself in booze, drugs and pussy just so I could forget about you, forget how you tore me up inside, forget that I loved you!" Jax finally roared at her and watched as she shrunk back slightly. He saw that his words were affecting her but somehow he just didn't have it in him to care right then. "There were days where getting out of bed was so difficult, I thought I'd die right there! I saw your face everywhere I went!"

"Jax; it doesn't have to be like that this time around." Tara said as her face fell.

"You left and I can't forget that. You were always meant for something more than this!" He yelled waving his arm around the room.

"This is what I want now; I want us!" She yelled back finally giving into her own frustration.

Jax nodded and pursed his lips before stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking up at her. "I'm not sure if it's what I want." He stated calmly; the realization coming to him suddenly.

"What?" Tara asked; shock numbing her to her own anger.

"I don't know if I can do this with you again." Jax stated simply. He felt the weight of it settle in his chest.

"So that's it?" Tara scoffed. "We're just through?"

"I love you Tara and I think some part of me always will but what we have isn't good for either of us anymore."

"Is this about her?" Tara asked suddenly angry again.

"Who?"

"Donna's sister, Sam."

"This has nothing to do with her." Jax stated, casting his eyes quickly to the parking lot.

"I always knew you had feelings for her. I wasn't blind to you and her."

"Jesus Tara; nothing happened with her and me back then."

"I know that Jax but that didn't stop you from watching her when you were with me. I saw how you looked at her. I also knew you loved me enough not to cheat but that doesn't mean you didn't have feelings for her."

"Sam has nothing to do with us and my decision. My decision is my own and I've thought about this a lot. You need to go and be the person you were always meant to be."

"What about you?"

"I'm going to be me."

"I love you Jax."

"I know; I love you to but I don't think we are what each other needs. I'm sorry." Tara nodded before taking a deep breath and stepping up to him again and grabbing him in a hug.

"Maybe you're right. Chicago offered me my old job back." Tara stated as she broke away from him and headed out of the office without looking back. Jax tilted his head back and sighed heavily before bringing his hands up to his face and rubbing his head. That headache was now a migraine.

"Fuck me." He stated simply before leaving the office and heading to the clubhouse. On his way there, he ran into Opie.

"Saw Tara leave; everything cool?" Opie asked.

"Nah; we're done." Opie nodded before clucking his tongue.

"That sucks brother." Jax shook his head.

"Nah its fine; she and I don't make sense anymore." Opie nodded.

"Yeah maybe you're right." Opie clapped his hand on Jax's back and steered him to the table outside before lighting up a joint and taking a puff off it before handing it over to his friend.

"So tomorrow is gonna suck." Jax stated with dread. Inhaling he handed the joint back over to Opie.

"Yeah." Opie stated simply; the weight of burying his wife was too much, there wasn't much else to say.

"We're gonna get the people who did this Ope."

"Yeah I know."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Selling Lies**

Sam woke with a start; sitting up in bed she looked around the dark room, her breathing still fast and her skin clammy. Same dream as before; the ringing of her phone, the heavy silence on the other end, the sound of muffled gunshots, glass breaking and her sister's unmoving eyes staring at her. Running her still shaking hand through her hair she looked to her left at the alarm clock which was mocking her with the time. 3:00am glowed red at her; silently laughing at her inability to sleep soundly through the night. Closing her eyes and breathing deeply to reign in her still erratic heartbeat; she snapped them back open when all she could see was blood. Ripping the covers off her legs, she padded to her bedroom door in just her white t-shirt and underwear. Opening the door quietly she stepped into the hall and quickly made her way to the kitchen. Filling a glass with cold water she leaned up against the sink and took small sips. Deciding that sleep was obviously not going to continue, she went to her bedroom, changed into some workout clothes and went for a run.

The pavement stretched out before her as Charming continued to sleep around her. The early morning air was still cool but she didn't mind. Her hair swayed behind her in the slight breeze but she continued, waving to the few people that she knew around town that were up already. Turning around at the park, she made her way back towards the house, knowing that Mary would be dropping the kids off at 6 and she needed to be back and ready when they arrived. Reaching the house, she stopped and stretched as the sun started to come up. She watched the colors bleed into her vision and took a moment to stare at them as the red, blues and warm gold created a watercolor sky. Swallowing thickly she turned and went into the house.

Showering quickly and starting on breakfast for the kids, she made a mad dash around the house; picking up clothes and toys that still sat where the kids left them. She decidedly hated having a dirty house; a pet peeve of hers after she moved out of her parent's place. Stepping out and grabbing the morning paper; she smiled and waved as Mary's car pulled into the driveway and her smile widened as Kenny and Ellie jumped out of the car and ran up to her. Finding her arms suddenly full of squirming and laughing kids, she looked up and made eye contact with Opie's mother. Mary grimaced and walked up to Sam.

"I haven't fed them yet."

"That's alright; I've got something going in the house. We should be all set."

"Okay. You heard from Ope?" Sam shook her head and pursed her lips.

"No, not since yesterday morning, I'm sure he'll call soon though." Mary nodded and turned back to her car. "Mary? Thank you for your help lately. I really appreciate it." Mary nodded and then got in her car and pulled away. Rolling her eyes as the car passed out of sight, Sam couldn't help the negative thoughts that ran through her head when she thought about Opie's mother. You would think the woman would want to be there for her grandchildren and her son but the looks she got made her skin crawl. Shaking it off she followed the laughing kids into the house and got them ready for school. Sipping her coffee she made small talk with the kids as they grabbed their backpacks and lunches.

"Aunt Sammy? When's Daddy coming home?" Kenny asked as he tied his shoes.

"I'm not sure honey; I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"I hope so, I miss him." Kenny stated simply; shifting from one foot to the other, tying the shoe laces and singing a song to himself he had made up on the spot.

"I do too honey." Sam stated to no one as she grabbed her car keys and hustled the kids out of the house and drove them to school. Pulling up to the school, the kids unbuckled and tossed hugs and kisses before clambering out of the jeep and running towards their respective friends. Pulling away, Sam cast a look to the rearview mirror and smiled; those kids were the only reason she was smiling at all. Continuing her drive towards TM she thought about the past months.

Donna's funeral was difficult; burying her dead sister was hard. Despite the number of club members that showed up and despite the number of people whispering condolences, Sam felt alone. Sitting next to Opie; his large hand held in both of hers, she stared straight ahead and zoned out. She didn't want to hear the forced words by the priest; she didn't have the heart to tell them to shut-up. She wanted silence and wasn't getting it. The only time her eyes connected with another person's, it was Jax as he walked up to his sister's coffin. Touching a blue flower to his lips he laid it gently on her coffin and briefly caught her eye. She took his face in; ignoring the mussed hair and the dried blood on his lip, his eyes told her all she needed to hear, he was sorry but she didn't have it in her to care. Looking behind him, she saw Tara gazing at him. Deciding that now was not the time or place to think about what was going on with the two of them, she turned her gaze back to the grass below her feet.

Jump forward a week; she nearly swallowed her tongue when Opie looked her in the eye and stated that he was going on a ride to clear his head and was going to be gone for a while. He asked her to look after his kids and of course she agreed; why wouldn't she? But she wasn't prepared for his sudden departure. Hollow was how she felt when she watched his bike roar off and she felt the seeping cold sink into her bones and corrupt the unstable peace she had briefly found when he was around. She was on her own and that truth hurt more than anything else ever did.

A week after that, she decided she needed to pretend that she wasn't drowning; she was tired of the sideways looks she got from Gemma. Gemma checked in on her from time to time but Sam made a point of avoiding the clubhouse; she wasn't a problem of theirs, they didn't owe her anything so she sure as hell wasn't going to drop her issues on them. She drove to San Diego one Saturday to pack up her meager belongings and officially moved to Charming. She remembered Kenny asking her what her job was; had said that his Momma told him that he wouldn't understand what she did for a living. Sam remembered explaining simply to him that she took pictures of things for a living. She was a freelance photographer so work wasn't a problem for her. She could work anywhere which suited her, she just hadn't touched her camera in weeks and she wasn't sure if she could ever again.

The sporadic calls from Opie were enough to drive her insane; he was always on the move and was never sure when he would be home. She heard it in his voice that he was shutting down; becoming a shell and she didn't want to hear his voice become hollow and ground out. Regardless, she put a happy face on and took care of the kids. The house was clean, they were in school and bills were paid; on the outside it seemed she was moving on when in actuality she was in a tailspin.

Asking Opie's parents for help was hard for her but a weight was lifted when they agreed to help her out. Mary would sometimes take the kids for a while when Sam needed some space and time to work. The heavy camera felt good in her hands despite the fact she wasn't enthused about her work anymore. Eventually it became the only release she had; detachment at its finest, so she sold her photos to calendar companies and nature magazine execs. Eventually the looks from Gemma tapered off and she effectively lied to enough people for her to believe it as well.

A month had gone by before she had cried; the hard-to-breathe all consuming, make yourself sick kind of crying. Thankfully the kids were at Mary's and wouldn't be back until the early morning so she could take them to school. By the time they arrived she was put together; her personal lie held in place by duct tape and nightmares. She didn't cry again.

Gemma would stop by and let her know the news around the clubhouse; Sam would pretend not to hear the utter disgust in her voice when the older woman would talk about Tara Knowles. Sam discovered that Jax had tried to end it but the old girlfriend didn't leave and instead bent Jax's ear into giving them another shot. To say that Gemma was pissed was an understatement; she was a fire breathing dragon with an all-consuming need to protect her son; Sam could understand that. She never let Gemma see that she was upset about Jax, although it was foolish for her to think it; he was never hers to own and who he wanted to be with was no concern of hers. Sam doubted he wanted someone like her anyway; she was shattered from the inside, she just made sure her exterior was shored up. So she listened to Gemma bitch and answered where appropriate.

It was another week before she felt the anger eating her up from the inside out. There were no leads on who murdered her sister and she was running out of patience. When Deputy Chief Hale asked her to stop by the police station she did, with the hope that she wouldn't leave empty-handed; needless to say he had nothing new and she flew off the handle. Punching an officer of the law in the face never goes over well so when she found herself in a cell and Gemma looking at her through the bars with a smirk on her face; Sam became enlightened to the fact that she may have not handled that particular situation with grace. Walking out of the station; she didn't apologize to Hale, she didn't do anything except climb into her Jeep and drive home. Gemma never brought it up with her; Sam just figured that she was proud of her; the buried outlaw in her bubbling up and her perfectly sculpted mask slipping, the mask that Gemma knew was lie.

Sam continued on with her half-life and wasn't surprised when the calls from Opie became fewer and longer in between, his voice becoming harder. Sam watched as Kenny and Ellie healed; missing their mother and father but tending to always find a bright side about their days. Sam found that her anger didn't go away; it just burned hotter in her insides. When Agent June Stahl and her weasel of a partner showed up at the house; she found herself hating the ATF agent more and more as the seconds ticked on. Stahl was an annoying bitch to say the least but when the blonde started to ask questions about the club and Opie; Sam found herself clamming up, just like she was supposed to and just how she remembered.

"Donna died because of this club." Stahl would say in her soft voice, the fake caring wearing on Sam's nerves.

"She died because some asshole decided to load bullets into her skull." A cold response; don't give anything away, don't give them an edge. It came easy to her despite her long absence from this world.

"They were gunning for Opie Winston and killed yours sister instead; doesn't that bother you?" Stahl's eyes narrowed as she leaned in closer, the caring act slipping for a moment.

"They'll get what they deserve." Sam stated simply, meeting the woman's eyes dead on.

"Talking about outlaw justice?"

"Whatever works and whichever comes first." Sam had figured saying something like that would put her on radar for them but she found herself not caring; she would be ready. Not caring was becoming something of a motto for her, the lies slipping in without her having to think about them, the coldness becoming a jacket for her, seeping in and becoming part of her.

Pulling her head back to the now instead of the past; Sam steered the Jeep into the TM parking lot and noted that Gemma was already walking towards her.

"Hey baby; kids get to school alright?" Gemma asks as Sam steps out of the car.

"Yeah, just dropped them off; was wondering if you heard from Opie at all?" Sam asks as she pulls her sunglasses up on the top of her head; her wavy brown hair pulled to rest over one of her shoulders. Sticking her hand into her front pocket of her jeans, she pulls a cigarette out and lights it. Taking a drag she offers to Gemma who waves her off.

"Not yet but Jax might have. He's in the garage right now; I have to run into the clubhouse to grab some paperwork but I can ask him if you want?" Waving her off, Sam took a drag and blew the smoke up and away from Gemma's face.

"No thanks Gem, I can talk to him." Gemma nodded smiling before grabbing Sam's forearm in reassurance and then turning to the clubhouse and walking off. Taking a deep breath she trudged over to the garage and found Jax folded over the engine of a car. He looked good but Sam was aware he always looked good. She doubted the man never looked anything but good.

"Hey." She simply stated but noticed his slight jump in reaction to hearing her and had to bury the glimmer of hope that bubbled up in her chest. He turned to her and wiped his hands on a red oil rag he pulled from the back pocket of his jeans.

"Hey." He stated almost in shock with a slight smile in his eyes. 'Kill the butterflies Sam.' she thought to herself when the air became thick and her heart pumped faster; a reaction that seemed to happen around him every time. She knew she wouldn't stand a chance if he turned on the full charm.

"Sorry to bother you; have you heard from Opie at all?" Sam asked; taking a final drag and putting the cigarette out with the toe of her boot just to give herself a breather.

"You ain't botherin me," Jax said with a smile on his face. "Thought I'd never get to see you again." He joked with her a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth again.

"Been busy." Sam stated not really feeling the joke; she shifted her feet feeling his weighted gaze on her. She always felt under the microscope with him; like he could see all her lies without trying and maybe that was why she avoided him. Jax watched her shift and berated himself for not pushing to be around her more. She clearly wasn't alright; far from it if he had to guess. He wanted to punch himself for neglecting her, wanted to yell at his mother for not pushing him more about looking in on her but he knew the blame ultimately rested with him. He wrapped himself up tight in his own problems; Tara, Abel and the club became his life once Opie left.

"I figured; how are the kids?" He asked trying to gauge her reactions. He purposefully didn't answer her question; he was being selfish and he knew that. She had this way of making him feel better; balm to an open wound.

"They're figuring it out." Sam replied making him nod in understanding. He could remember what it was like for him when his little brother died.

"How are you?" Jax asked, figuring the best way to go about this was to just ask. He knew the minute she was about to lie to him when she smiled; a forced, tight smile that didn't reach her eyes. He could tell it was rehearsed and that sent more warning flags up in his mind; she was not okay, it was as though the cracks that made her up appeared before his eyes.

"I'm doing well." She lied to him; a point-blank lie and she could tell the second he didn't believe her. "How are you?" She nervously tacked on.

"Alright; can't complain. Abel's doing a lot better." He replied letting her lie stay whole. He didn't want to scare her off. She knew what he was doing and was thankful he let it drop.

"That's great! I've been thinking about him a lot lately." She nodded looking off and waving slightly at Half Sack as he walked past.

"You should come over and see him. I think he misses you." Jax stated with a smile in his voice. There was something about her holding his son that seemed right to him and he wanted to see it again.

"Maybe I will." She replied nonchalantly. "How's Tara?" Jax felt his heart sputter for a moment and he had to wonder if his condition was flaring up.

"She's good, been busy." He stated actively avoiding having to talk about it. Things with Tara were difficult but they weren't bad. No matter what they did, there was this space between them that wouldn't go away. She was great with Abel and was doing okay with the club life but she wasn't investing herself in it and he knew she would never fully accept what he did; she'd always be looking for an excuse and a way to pull him out of this town. He was just waiting on her to bring it up but he decided he was going to enjoy his time with her; after all, he did love her. Seeing Sam always had a way of making him rethink things; would Sam be better for him? Would she accept the life he led? Would she be a good old lady? He had no doubt she would be great; a force of her own, where he felt Tara would become his mother, a slow process but the end result would be the same. Not that he had anything against his mother; she was a great old lady but she had a nasty streak to her that he wasn't blind too. Tara could easily be his mother; would Sam do it too?

"Good. Anyways have you heard from Opie?" Sam avoided the Tara subject and he couldn't blame her.

"Yeah, he called this morning. He said he'd be back later today. Didn't he call you?" Jax knew that Opie was pulling away but he didn't think it was that bad.

"No, not since yesterday, he doesn't call much anymore." Sam stated sadly; Jax felt his heart clench again.

"I'm sure you and the kids will be his first stop once he's back."

"Yeah I'm sure." Sam stated in disbelief. Jax really had an itch to punch Opie for leaving her in the cold.

"He will." Jax stated quickly as he brought her into a sudden hug. He felt her tense in his arms but he held on; wanting her to hug him back. When she wrapped her own arms around him; he felt something stir inside him, something that would only happen when he would hold Abel late into the night. Stepping back he still held her by her arms and tried to read her once again.

"Thanks Jax." She said before stepping back out of his reach and felt the loss of his heat. She shuddered and crossed her arms before he could notice the cold set back in. Being in his arms was dangerous for her; her resolve starts to slip and she can feel her carefully built walls start to crack and she can't have that; the cold is safer. "I'll see you later." She says as she turns and flees the garage; he couldn't do anything but watch her leave but he couldn't stop the aching feeling in his gut that he was supposed to chase her; that he needed to chase her. She was gone before he could take a step.

Getting into her car; Sam took deep breaths trying to calm her flayed nerves. She tried to focus on the fact that Opie was coming home today and she hoped that he would make it better but a sneaking suspicion made her think his return will be anything but happy for her. She made her way back to the house but was shocked when she saw his bike in the driveway. Without thinking she flung herself out of the car and ran through the open garage door. She stopped short when she saw him standing there, his back to her; leather kutte on his back, beard and hair grown out long, it hit her then how much she missed him. He turned hearing her enter and watched the emotions flash across her face.

"Hey Sam." Was all he needed to say before she was in his arms; he wrapped his own around her, letting her burrow into him. He had missed her and he felt a little better seeing her. At first when she had arrived she reminded him so much of Donna but his time away gave him a new perspective; Sam, while being similar to his wife, she was unique in her own way, had always been and it was unfair to treat her the same he did Donna.

When she pulled back she smiled at him. "God Ope, I'm glad you're back. The kids have been asking about you and I wasn't really sure what to tell them." Sam babbled; her hands still clenching his kutte.

"Oh, yeah." Sam frowned then; her brow furrowing in confusion.

"You don't sound happy." She stated, releasing him and stepping away. Opie didn't meet her eyes.

"I have a lot of things I need to take care of now that I'm back. I'm going to be busy for a while."

"That's bullshit." Sam's eyes hardened and Opie had to take a double look. The Sam in front of him was not the same Sam he left a few months ago. She opened her mouth ready to tear into him again when another car pulled into the driveway. Mary steps out and Sam watches as her face hardens towards her son.

"You gonna go pick up your kids later from school?" Mary asks point blank, staring her son down. Sam watches the display in anger.

"I can't; got some stuff to do." Opie replies sounding torn.

"Mary; I'll go get the kids." Sam states as she steps backwards from Opie; a scowl etched onto her pretty features. Opie has the decency to look sorry. Sam stalks around Mary's car and towards her own. Jumping in she starts it and backs up, zero emotion pulling onto her face. Opie watches her Jeep drive down the street; but the sound of a motorcycle forces him to look away as she drives out of view.

Jax pulls up and takes his helmet off and walks up. "It's good to see you man." He states as they pull each other into a hug. "How you been?"

"Good; I'm ready to get back into it." Jax opens his mouth to say something but Mary steps up. Jax turns to her and smiles; "Hey Mary."

"Hi; you should tell Opie he needs to see his kids."

"Mom; just drop it. Sam's got it covered and I'll see them when I can." Opie spat out, waving his mother off. Mary sent a look to Jax before turning and leaving the garage.

"So Sam's seen you?"

"Yeah she just left."

"I'm assuming it wasn't a happy homecoming."

"Not really. She wants me to see the kids but I can't; not until I kill whoever killed Donna."

"We may have a lead on that. Cops got nothing; that much we know and they're really not talking to us since Sam put her fist into Hale."

"What?" Opie asks; shock written across his face, his jaw a little slack.

"She didn't tell you about that? She got pissed and punched Hale; Gemma had to get her out. They didn't press charges but she did get a warning." Jax laughed slightly running his fingers through his short blonde beard.

"Damn." Opie stated simply, shaking his head.

"Yeah, she's been havin a hard time." Jax didn't want to give away all his suspicions about how he thought she was doing and Gemma had been pretty tight lipped about her.

"I guess so." Opie shrugged and moved on, pushing his guilt back. "We have church later?" Jax nodded.

"At eight; we're happy to have you back brother." Jax states before walking back to his bike and taking off.

It wasn't until the next day that Opie saw Sam again. He arrived back at the house later in the day and saw her sitting at the kitchen table, paying his bills. Guilt washed over him as his mind morphed her into Donna once again. She looked up and watched him enter. He looked tired; she had noted he hardly picked up his feet but he looked lighter than she had ever seen him. He ignored her as he quickly changed into plain clothes and left once again. Knowing where he was going, she took the kids and dropped them off at the neighbors before making her way over to the clubhouse. Gemma saw her pulling up and new from her long strides that Sam was up to no good. Quickly excusing herself from one of the prospects; she ran towards the clubhouse just as Sam threw open the door.

Sam stepped inside and immediately all eyes were on her. Her blue eyes collided with Opie's and then they narrowed. No one moved as the small woman stalked up to him and threw a hard right hook into his cheekbone. He had plenty of opportunity to stop her; he was almost twice the size but he let her lay into him, after all, he felt he deserved it. He stood and corrected his jaw, rubbing the still stinging flesh; she had one hell of a right hook. He waved off Tig who was about to step up and step in between him and the seething brunette.

"What the HELL are you doing?" Sam raged; if she didn't have everyone's full attention before, she did now.

"Sam." Opie tried to say before she pushed him hard enough for him to stumble back into a table.

"No! I've had enough of your excuses! You left for two months; two! You abandoned your children to ride around in the middle of the fucking desert! You come back and what; you're too busy to see your children? It's pathetic!"

"You think this was easy for me? Donna's dead!" Opie raged back at her; she took a step back in hesitation and her anger slipped for a second before it slammed back into her. Opie had never raised his voice to her; she could never remember a time when he wasn't a gentle giant.

"You think it was for me? You abandoned me to pick up the pieces of your life and I'm sick of it!"

"What do you want me to do?" Opie pleaded with her; he felt eyes burning into him yet no one dared to stand in between them.

"I want you to take care of your children; like she would have wanted you to!" Sam seethed, stepping back into his space and looking up at him.

"She's dead! Your sister, my wife, their mother is DEAD! Someone riddled her head with bullets that were meant for me!" Sam faltered once again; his words sinking in and making the fire inside her burn hotter. Without warning she smashed her fist back into his face, enough for his nose to start bleeding. It was then that Jax gripped her around her middle as she fought against him. He hauled her off into his old dorm room before shutting the door with his foot and setting her back down on her own feet all while yelling at him. She whipped around once released and tried to hit him; he easily caught her wrist and when she tried to pull herself free, he squeezed tighter.

"Just calm down for a minute!" He yelled at her, trying to get her to focus. She snapped her jaw shut; he heard her teeth clack together and her breathing, while still hard and deep was slowing. He watched the fire in her eyes die down and once they were the cool blue that he always liked, she started to shake and then tears flooded her eyes.

Sighing; Jax grabbed her to him, letting her bury her head into his neck as she sobbed and dug her fingers into his blue sweatshirt. He felt her tears; hot and wet against his neck but he just squeezed her tighter; his primal need to protect reared up in him and he pulled her into his lap as he sat down. Her sobs were loud and sounded painful; her breathing was erratic. Her hands were still pressed tightly into his chest and he felt her shake against him. Trying his best to soothe her; he slid his hands into her hair, one large palm wrapped around the back of her neck as the other gripped her soft hair and massaged her head.

"Oh god!" She sobbed and pulled her head away from his neck and looked him in the eyes. Jax couldn't help but feel mesmerized be her face; her eyes were red, wet and puffy from crying yet she was still beautiful to him. It was at that moment; he saw exactly what she was hiding from everyone. He saw all the cracks in her walls, all the lies she told herself and others just to get through her days and knew that the girl he fell in love with 11 years ago wasn't the same. "What did I do?" She whispered in shock to him. Her hands released against his chest and she rested them on his cheeks, trying to find the answers in his face. He knew she was in shock and was on the verge of having a panic attack so he did the only thing he could think of; he kissed her.

His lips landed on hers and he felt her tense but once she melted into him; he moved his lips and felt her respond. She was just as he imagined; soft and pliant with the taste of cherries. His hands slid down her curls and to her back where he massaged her skin through her shirt. Her fingers dug into his cheeks for a moment before he felt her hesitate and pull back. He opened his eyes and saw she was no longer crying but was watching him with wide eyes.

"Sam." He tried to say but she was already shifting off his lap and scrubbing her face.

"What the hell did I just do?" She asked more to herself than to him. He knew what she was doing; what was flying through her mind and he didn't want it to.

"You were starting to panic so I panicked and kissed you." He stated, tripping over his words. Her eyes slammed into him and a huffed laugh broke out of her chest.

"You panicked?" She asked incredulously, her eyebrow lifting up.

"Well yeah." He shifted from one foot to another. He watched as she processed what he just said and he worried his bottom lip.

"I…" Sam started to say before a loud knock on the door rang out and she jumped at the noise. Jax watched her turn away from him as the heavy hand on the other side of the door knocked again. He walked quickly over to it and threw it open; Opie stood on the other side. Opie didn't look at Sam and Jax knew that whatever they had before he left was rattled. Nodding his head in question; Jax furrowed his brow when he observed Opie's demeanor.

"Found him." Opie simply stated and Jax nodded in understanding before glancing at Sam who was staring at them with realization crossing her face.

"Kill him." Jax and Opie both whipped their heads in her direction with shock at what she just said. It wasn't that she proposed a radical idea but rather that she was giving obvious consent to their choices. Jax felt a heavy weight lift off him as he looked at her; she was accepting what they did. "For Donna." She added as she stared at Opie. All they could do was nod as they practically jogged out of the room. Sam followed and watched with Gemma as Jax and Opie loaded into the truck and Chibs and Tig started their bikes.

"What's going on?" Gemma asked Sam as she stared at the boys leaving.

"They're going to kill the man who killed my sister." Sam stated nonchalantly. Gemma turned her head to look at the woman next to her, surprised by Sam's response.

"You okay with that?"

"Never better." Sam replied before shifting her weight and locking eyes with her companion. Gemma wasn't sure if the look in Sam's eyes was a good thing or a bad thing.

_**Author's Note:**_** I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone that has read, reviewed, followed and favorite my story. I really appreciate all the support you've given and I hope you'll stick with me. I know this may seem like a slow story but I will say that it speeds up in future chapters. I wanted you to all know what Sam has been going through; that feeling of despair that she's dealing with. Her head space is what this story is largely about. I do want to apologize to those of you who thought Tara would be gone, sadly, she serves a purpose, but her departure will take place in the next few chapters. **


End file.
